Hello, my name is Allison. I am a recently divorced mother of two toddler boys and work full time as a nurse. Over the last year I have been on a crazy journey of self-discovery, learning how to co-parent while still healing, and focusing on being more present in all aspects of my life.  

I have dealt with anxiety my entire life and have been a people pleaser with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I thought it was just how I was and something I could overcome, but it became very evident that I needed help once I had my two sons and no longer made any time for myself. I have always struggled with asking for and accepting help, so it took me way too long to commit to therapy, but once I did, it was a game changer. I was right that anxiety was a significant factor, but turns out, I also have ADHD. Once I got my anxiety under control and learned more about how my brain works differently, I was finally able to give myself the grace I needed and realize that I am a great mother. Unfortunately, it was just not in time to save my marriage, but we will get into that more later.   

There is immense pressure placed on parents in general, but mothers more often feel like they must live up to unrealistic standards and expectations. Most girls are taught at a very young age that becoming a mother is more of an expectation than a choice and it’s painted as this wonderful experience that will bring boundless joy to your life. Parenthood is extremely rewarding, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like our society is lacking when it comes to talking about the challenging, draining, and exhausting parts of having a child and it is often portrayed as the expected next step instead of allowing each individual to decide. Parenting is hard and no one should feel like it’s a requirement or that their life will be less than if they decide not to have children.    

I have experienced this pressure firsthand and often felt like a failure. I couldn’t understand why being a mother was so hard for me when everyone around me seemed to be handling it all with ease. I do not regret having children because my boys have brought a joy to my life that I did not think was possible and experiencing the love for and from a child is like nothing else, but if I had more realistic expectations going into having children, it may not have been such a shock to my body and mind.   

Recently, there has been a surge of mothers putting themselves out there to help paint a more realistic view of motherhood and normalizing mothers putting themselves first. This has inspired me to share my unique story and create a safe space for others to realize they are not alone in their struggles. I am not starting this venture to get rich or famous, and I care very little about gaining thousands of followers. I am starting to realize my limitations with having ADHD and if I go into this with my only goal being success, I will quit before I even scratch the surface. Rather, I am using this experience as a therapeutic outlet for myself to write down my feelings and continue a journey of healing, while hopefully also figuring out what truly makes me happy in the process. I know not all of you reading this will share similar experiences or agree with everything I say, and that is ok. That is what our country was built on. A group of diverse individuals with unique stories and values that when shared can help us all grow. If my blog only touches one person and is the reason they feel seen and finally able to get the help they need to live a healthy and happy life, then that will be enough.   

If you are here just to tell me ADHD is not real or to bash on my parenting style, please move along, this blog is not for you. But if you have felt yourself struggling in parenthood, feel guilty or selfish for putting yourself first over your children or spouse, often feel like a failure, or have insight that lacks hate and judgement, then come along for the ride.