THIS, this is why I wanted to start a personal blog. I was one of those girls who grew up hearing how wonderful motherhood is and that nothing compares to having your own children. It was more of an expectation than a choice that I would have children, and as I got older my parents frequently made comments about wanting grandchildren to spoil.  

Yes, I knew that parenthood wasn’t going to be easy, but I was definitely not properly prepared to become a mother, even having gone through all the newborn/baby classes offered at the hospital. The piece of information that I was missing was the challenges ADHD can bring in motherhood. I had been overstimulated before, but nothing compared to a screaming newborn and toddler, the tv going, and a messy house all at once. I misplaced items, mostly my phone or the pacifier, all the time, and became easily irritated whenever I forgot something or did something wrong. Sleep deprivation just hits harder when you have ADHD. I was used to sleeping 8-9 hours every night pre-kids because my body needed that much sleep to function. When I couldn’t get the sleep I needed, I became easily annoyed and irritable and then felt so guilty for getting upset and yelling. I prided myself on having a clean house. It drove me nuts after having kids when the house was super cluttered with toys, the counters were full of food stains, and I couldn’t keep up with simple chores like cleaning the toilets. I knew things weren’t going to be spotless, but I found myself unable to relax if the house was dirty or the sink was overflowing with dishes. I work full time while my boys go to daycare. I felt guilty for working but also knew I would be too overstimulated being a stay-at-home mom and felt even more guilty for that. I had no time for myself, but when offered alone time, I felt guilty for leaving my boys, and it also became difficult to do simple tasks such as taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I got to the point where I just wanted to sit on the couch unbothered and scroll on my phone or sleep. I was in survival mode.  

I think had I known I had ADHD and what strengths and limitations that would pose, I would have had more realistic expectations or at least been able to give myself grace when I struggled.  I also would have limited my social media use, at least in the beginning. Social media allows you to easily compare yourself to others but often shows only the good parts of someone’s life. What they want you to see.  I was comparing myself to neurotypical moms who seemed like they could do it all and then wondered why I wasn’t measuring up. It increased my anxiety and led to an unhealthy hyperfocus on why motherhood was so difficult for me. Ultimately, I felt like a failure and a horrible mom.  

As I continued to struggle, I started doing some research and started realizing there might be a reason behind why I felt like such a failure. In this instance, social media became a positive environment as the algorithm led me to some women and parents who were vulnerable and outright with struggles many of us face and were trying to change the perception of perfection our society has been obsessed with.  I started seeing similarities between myself and these accounts. They were what got me through a very dark, sad place, made me realize I am not alone, and ultimately what led me to question whether I had ADHD and getting an official diagnosis.  

Getting a diagnosis didn’t make it any easier to make it through the day, but it did allow me to better understand my struggles, why I was having such a hard time, and it opened me up to resources explaining how to cope with these challenges. It was a validation of my feelings and allowed me to better understand how my brain works. It also led me to finding a therapist that was a good fit and a medication manager, both of whom were game changers.  

I am not a doctor, but if you relate to this story, I encourage you to look more into ADHD and have a conversation with your doctor. If you are a new mom (or dad) and are already diagnosed with ADHD, I hope this gives you the validation you need. You are doing the best you can, you are a great parent, and you are not broken! Focus on your needs, make time for yourself, and give yourself grace. You will find what works for you and you do not have to live up to anyone’s expectations except your own.  

If you are interested in the Instagram accounts I started following throughout my journey, here they are. I also started an Instagram account myself, so if you enjoy my blog, please follow my account for more relatable content. @Allison_Elsner 

@mindfullymendedmama @diaryofanhonestmom @quirky.minds.matter @thepsychdoctormd @connectwithmegan @liveonthespectrum 

What has been the hardest part of becoming a parent? What struggles or obstacles have you had to overcome?